"I don’t remember a time when I didn’t have fantasies about being dominated..."

I would imagine someone gripping my hair tightly or a stinging slap on my ass—all very exciting. But every time I would let my thoughts run wild, they would get rudely interrupted, like an angry grandmother unplugging the cord while you’re sneakily watching TV after 2 a.m., yelling “Turn this OFF!” As soon as my brain camera spanned to any props—whips, chains, that sort of thing—all I could think about was Roots. Even if my fantasy involves no props and just a little garden-variety submission, Hollywood’s love of nostalgic “Remember When Negroes Were All Our Servants?” movies gives my brain enough ammo to cockblock my heart’s deepest desires.

Continue reading When You Want to Be Into BDSM But It's Too Soon Because You're Black.

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How does one explore BDSM as a Black womxn?

Regardless of their environment, people of color constantly have to navigate stereotypes, discrimination, and personal prejudices, and BDSM is no exception. Just being a young, black woman who owns her sexuality yields enough social stigma as it is. Throw in a desire to explore BDSM in a culture where freely enjoying sex is already taboo, and that is quite the mountain to climb. But my fantasies weren’t going away anytime soon. So I began to ask myself: How does one be black and get into BDSM at the same time?

Continue reading When You Want to Be Into BDSM But It's Too Soon Because You're Black.

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